Trusting in God’s Plan

I was a huge procrastinator in high school. I didn’t plan ahead for things. I’d just keep putting them off and then race to handle them at the last minute. It took a lot of self-growth for me to overcome my procrastination. I did it! However, instead of just beating my procrastination, I took things a step further and became a hard-core planner. I began to plan absolutely everything. What books I read, my day-to-day schedule, my meals, my weekends, and more. Honestly, without me even noticing it, I planned my whole life out.

Here was the plan for my life: I was going to graduate from high school and then study English at the same university my father attended, where I planned on finding my soulmate. I would later graduate with my Bachelor's Degree, get married, and become a teacher. I thought my plan was set in stone. I mean, I had it all worked out, right? However, shortly after I began executing my plan, things started to go askew.

I made many great friends during my time at university, and I appreciate how hard their faculty works to provide Christian higher education. But simply put, the university and I weren’t a good fit. I decided to make the decision to look at other schools. I began to search for online universities that would allow me to work full-time alongside school for a more manageable tuition amount to pay off as I went. I quickly saw Arizona State University everywhere as the top online English program. I gave it some time, thought, and prayer before deciding to go for it. I moved home and transferred to ASU Online at the end of my freshman year.

During my freshman year at my father’s alma mater, I entered my first relationship ever. Things seemed on the right track, but then COVID hit shortly after I moved home to attend ASU, and everything seemed to shift. I soon found myself sad and single.

Around this time, I also found out that I was anemic. For those of you who aren't familiar with anemia, there are many different forms of it, but the gist is that it’s a sufficient iron deficiency. My job at the time had me constantly on my feet, which only added to the issue of my low energy levels. My doctor recommended I leave my job to find an office position where I could basically sit at a desk all day. So, on top of switching universities, going through a breakup, and my anemia, I needed to find new work as well.

Easy to say, I felt like a rug had been swept out from beneath me. My whole plan was thrown away. I felt lost, but ultimately, I felt upset with God. I kept wondering, how did this happen? How did I get here? One minute, everything was going according to plan, and then suddenly, nothing was! One night, I actually said out loud, alone in my room, “Why God?”

I thought of my life as a raging and relentless ocean. Waves were crashing from all sides, and I definitely wasn’t prepared for them. My once sturdy boat had been thwarted in its path. I, the passenger of that vessel, began to feel like I was so far off course that I would never find my way back.

But let me ask you this question: What does the Bible tell us God does to stormy seas? He calms them. (Mark 4:39) However, sometimes the storm needs to happen. At that time in my life, I was much like the disciples in that boat amidst the storm. I was anxious and fearful, only looking at what I stood to lose. I wasn’t thinking about what God was trying to teach me.

I felt like Esther. Surely, she must have had similar feelings about her life not going the way she thought it would when she was chosen to be the King’s wife. I’d bet good money that wasn’t in her 5-year life plan, but that’s where she suddenly found herself. Here is an interesting fact about the book of Esther: God is never mentioned. Never directly. Not even once!

However, just because you might not always see God’s works in an obvious way, it does not mean they’re not happening. God changed Esther’s life in a way she never could have predicted, but I know that she wouldn’t have had things turn out any other way. We, as humans, are only capable of seeing so far ahead into the future. It’s just our nature. But God sees far past what we can. He already knows the answers to our questions and is looking forward to when we get to the place in our life where we can see the reasoning and answer He saw all along. I was upset because I thought God’s plan had gone haywire, but the reality was MY plan had gotten messy. I realized that I needed to stop planning my life because God’s plan can’t happen when I’m fighting it with my plan.

Another Biblical example of this lesson at hand is Moses. God called upon Moses and told him that he needed him to be a leader to help get the Israelites out of Egypt. The book of Exodus tells us that Moses gave five excuses:

• I’m not good enough (Exodus 3:11)

• I don’t have all the answers (Exodus 3:13)

• People won’t believe me (Exodus 4:1)

• I’m a terrible public speaker (Exodus 4:10)

• I’m not qualified (Exodus 4:13)

It literally took God coming to him in a burning bush for Moses to realize just how confident God was that he was the person He needed to lead the Israelites. And then what happened once Moses actually surrendered control and followed God’s plan? He successfully led the Israelites out of Egypt and went on to do even more incredible things for the Lord.

It is so hard to surrender control of anything, especially about the trajectory of your life. But the Bible tells us that if we simply submit control to the Lord, He will provide our path. (Proverbs 3:6) Once I realized this, and finally surrendered control, I became overwhelmed with blessings.

The program at ASU was incredible, and I graduated Magna Cum Laude. Me! The previous procrastinator! Through proper treatment, I have overcome my anemia and regained my health. I also got an office job that not only brought me amazing experience, but also introduced me to life-long friends that I would have never had the chance to meet otherwise. Being home and doing online school allowed me to be closer to my family, and I was able to spend more time with my loved ones. Moving back home also allowed me to reconnect with my childhood friend, Tori, who is now my best friend that I simply couldn’t live without. But above all, if God hadn’t redirected me from the path that I had set for myself, I never would have met my soulmate, whom I have now been happily married to for three years.

I don’t want to make it sound like my life is perfect. Life never is, but now I know to simply give each challenging day to God and ask that He let His will be done. Similar to Esther, I know I would never change how God has helped things turn out for me. For most of us, God has had our lives turn out differently from what we originally had planned for ourselves. But we are happy and blessed, aren't we? Moses, Noah, Job, literally every disciple, and so many more also experienced life-changing events at the hands of God that allowed Him to use them in ways they could never have imagined.

You might be going through an up or down right now in your life. The devil will always try to bring you down when he sees you growing with God. He will do his worst. But if we put our trust in God, if we think about Esther, Moses, and the other people God has used, He will not fail us. We just have to let God’s will be done. God is there, waiting, to take your hand and lead you where you are meant to go.

I’d like to conclude with a scenario for you to remember in moments of doubt. Imagine you’re on a train. You look out the window and see the pretty landscape as it passes on the way to your final destination. Suddenly, you’re in a tunnel. Everything is dark. You don’t know where you are. Are you going to jump off the train?

Or are you going to stay on and trust that the conductor will get you where you need to go?

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